It’s Time to be Men Again

Jordan Peterson recently defined morality in a brilliantly simplistic way.  He said that morality involves doing things that are good for yourself, both immediately, and all the way out to the distant future.  That’s not morality by itself though, because what you do has to also be good for your family, both immediately and out into the future.  That’s not morality by itself either though, because it has to also be good for your neighbors, and your community, and the nation, and the world, both immediately, and out into the distant future.  Those who stray from that moral base – doing things that are not good for the world, or for their nation, or for their community, or for their neighbors, or for their family, or in some cases, even for themselves – these people must be ostracized by society until they fall back in line with this very basic morality.  Everything we do should be done from the prism of how it affects us as individuals, as well as how it affects others.  The simple truth is that we all matter equally, and that we should treat each other as equals.  That’s morality, forever and always.  Believing otherwise is the kind of stupid John Wayne was talking about in the picture below.

Sexual harassment, sexual exploitation, sexual abuse – really anything sexual in a negative way – violates this creed.  Our desire to procreate goes just as deeply into our innermost psyche as does our desire to eat, and is just as important.  We are sexual beings.  Whatever happens to us sexually goes just as deep, and because of this sex crimes are in some ways the worst kinds of crimes a person can commit.  People need to understand that when they hurt someone sexually, in any way, they are hurting that person in the deepest part of that person’s inner being, which amplifies the effect hundreds of times over.

Sex can also be very positive.  When it is consensual and enjoyable it bonds people together, and particularly if they are open with one another about their sexuality.  If you understand someone’s sexual self, you understand them in a very deep and personal way, and the amount of trust it takes to let someone into that part of your inner self – not physically, but emotionally – is such that most people only let someone all the way in once, hence the saying (and song) “the first cut is the deepest.”

To understand the significance of a sexual assault, imagine someone breaking into your innermost psyche by force.  I would never want to harm anyone in that way.

Sexual assault allegations are coming out all over the place, and we are learning that sexual misconduct is as frequent as it is harmful.  Much of the media wants to blame men for it, and it is getting politicized, with calls for any Republican accused of sexual assault being called on to step down, and Al Franken being told he only owes an apology.  Sexual assault is also being blamed on ‘masculinity’.

Let’s talk about masculinity.

We evolved over millions of years into what we are, and the structure of our society is a part of our evolutionary process.  Masculinity and femininity are baked into our biology like yeast in bread, and today our colleges teach that masculinity is somehow evil.  At the same time, chivalry is played off as an outdated, sexist structure.

Chivalry is not only alive, but it must be nurtured.  The components of chivalry, such as honor and courage, are valuable traits everyone should strive to have, and strength is worthless if it cannot be used to protect those who are weak from those who are wicked.

What do we expect men who have no sense of honor, and who believe chivalry to be dead, to do?  Schools can not teach evolution or biology out of a man any more than I can teach the desire to hunt out of my dog.  My dog was bred to hunt, just as biology made me a man.  My dog’s love and loyalty makes him a good dog, and my sense of honor and duty makes me a good man.

If I tried to teach my dog not to hunt, I would confuse him.  I don’t hunt, but on the rare occasion that my dog sneaks out of the house and finds a deer to chase, those are the happiest moments of his life.  He does not want to hurt deer, but he does want to chase them, and so when he jumps around and barks like crazy as deer walk past the house, I don’t get mad at him.  I don’t scold him or tell him that he is a bad dog.  I don’t much like his barking, but the personality traits that drive him to bark also come out in other ways, and they make him the dog that he is.  If I did not love those traits in him, I should not have him as a dog.

Do you have any idea how much harm we do to boys when we teach them that masculinity is evil?  One can learn to suppress masculinity, but it does not go away, and if a man believes that masculinity is evil, then he must also believe that he is evil, for that masculinity is in there no matter how deeply it is buried.  Our society is doing everything it can to teach men to hate themselves, and for the most part men seem to be going along with it, but teaching them this is evil, wrong, and dangerous.

What does a volcano do when it builds up too much pressure?  I can tell you want my dog does if he does not get enough exercise.  What do you think a man does if he has to suppress his masculinity his whole life?  We need to teach boys to be kind, courteous, and respectful; we need to teach boys to be men.  We cannot do that without also allowing them to be boys.

We should not teach that fighting is inherently wrong, because that is not true.  Hitting girls is inherently wrong, but we should champion those who hit those who hit girls.  If you are a woman and a man opens a door for you, don’t call him sexist.  Say “thank you,” because that man is showing you respect.  A tip of the hat or a nod is also a sign of respect.  We need to stop condemning politeness.

We need to start holding feminists to the same standards that we hold other bigots.  We need to take away feminist’s microphones, throw feminists out of our schools, and remove feminists from positions of power.  Today’s feminists are not marching for the right to vote, or for equality.  They already have that.  Today’s feminists simply hate men.  Ladies – it is not cool to hate men.  You may be equal, but so are we.

Do you know what condemning masculinity leads to?  It leads to men who are confused, and who do not know how to be men.  It leads to Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Bill Clinton, and Bill Cosby.  Those men, and all other men who commit acts of sexual assault, lack honor, and are not chivalrous.  They are not men, and they belong in jail.  But that does not mean that all men belong in jail, and it does not mean that masculinity is in any way bad.  All it means is that boys need to learn self-control so that they can control themselves when they grow up.

Masculinity it not evil, so it is time to stop saying it is.  Embrace it.  Celebrate it.  We need masculinity.  Along with masculinity, honor and duty need to be honored dutifully.  Chivalry is important.  We should always stand up for those who are weaker than we are, and ideally we should stand up for injustice period – particularly injustices committed against women.

Some people are going to call this post sexist.  To them I say that this post is honest and accurate.  Perhaps evolution is sexist.  If so, there is not much I can do about that.  Perhaps biology is sexist.  I can’t fix that either.  Perhaps, heaven forbid, nature is sexist.  Whatever.  It is what it is.  I am not sexist for understanding how I have evolved, for understanding biology, or by living by my God given nature.  I am simply being a man, and in this case, a man who is sick and tired of seeing masculinity condemned.  If you hate me for that, so be it: you are the sexist, and I’m done with that.

2 thoughts on “It’s Time to be Men Again”

  1. I am happy that you understand morality. You were good until you misunderstand feminism. It does not diminish men or masculinity, it only brings equal value to women. You make the assumption that the current publicity about sexual assault is new, but this has been happening for thousands of years. It is because of the feminist movement that we are publicly saying that these actions are wrong. So this article may be honest from your point of view, but not accurate making the assumption that feminism led to these sexual allegations. Agreed, masculinity is important. I would just change instead of saying chivalry is important, simply state that morality (as stated in your first paragraph) is important because that applies to all people.

    1. Kip – Feminism moved from being about equality to being anti-man some time ago. Today’s feminists only pretend to be for equality when they are called out.

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